Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Hey there, I felt like I just have to relieve some problems I have in me...
Problem number 1)
I am jealous that everyone gets to train and do well and compete in the competitions that are upcoming but only me, I am unabled to do so. I'll be watching from the sidelines. I'll be feeling all left out. I'll be feeling very useless, trying to support everyone to do their best, to smile when I feel like crying, to congratulate when I m the one that needs encouragement.
My coach, he just doesn't care. Can't train? Too bad. The hurdles team looks like a fun team. They laugh and joke and train at the same time. Everyone supports one another. Everytime I feel like I can run and the pain would not come back, my ankles prove me wrong. They tell me to stop. I don't want to be left out... :( what's more is that ben has just gotten into hurdles, and it makes me happy me to see him run but it males me jealous and long to run again...
What can I do? My ankles have started to complain to me
again. I wonder when my doctor would make an appointment to see my results. I hope it's nothing serious and it is something that can be fixed fast enough. I m getting too fat and lazy to train. No one motivating me to come back also. I'll be the outcast in the whole entire group. The one that's lagging behing everyone else. What can I do, but wait...
Problem number 2)
something I can't tell on a blog. Hais. At least I feel better. :) I'll stop here. Gotto sleep. Have to wake up at 4 to fast. :) wish me luck! Amin! :)
Labels: Sad
♥our lips must always be sealed
11:51:00 pm
Hey there people. I've been preetty busy these few days.
There was just something on my mind right now. It's been such a taxing subject for me. I keep thinking of it everywhere I go, and it comes back whenever I daze off into empty space or whenever I don't have anything to occupy my mind with. It's the training and the fat gaining thing again. Yupps. It's just killing me slowly with every minute.
I don't think other people understand how it feels to want to train and run and hurdle but... I just can't. It really does hurt like mad. I don't say it because I naturally don't like to bother people and make them worry. I've grown up with parents who taught me to be independent and when I fall, I never got picked up by them. They wanted me to stand up for myself. I never had people who showed any attention when I was in pain, and yes, I do feel weird when I am shown that much attention. Probably why I find it intolerable when other whine about their injury. I just stop to wonder if it were ever actually the worse than the pain that I've felt. Maybe, and maybe not.
Every time I bath I see these extra lumps that were never there a few months back, those lines that were there have been filled with (3glycerols and 1fatty acid)
molecule X a thousand million. My butt has gone all flat and soft, my thighs have no definition, my stomach is bulging and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Probably have to start bingeing and stuff. Hais. Nahh I won't do that. That's just sick. I'll get bulemia and stuff.
Ahh. Bern just helped me with my "short moment of depression". I feel
much better now. :) today was so wonderful. Just going shopping was wonderful. :) this week I got 4boxes of contact lens, non coloured, a vest for 15bucks at cotton on, a pair of jeans,and
3 t-shirts from mango.so wonderful!! Shopping can cure anything! Ahhh. Hoping to get some Nixon stuff too. Gotto wait for daddy to get back to check out the latest arrivals :) awesommee! People I can get discount for Nixon stuff okay! So ask me abt it! :)
I m gonna sleep now cos I gotta wake up at 7am! Going to the zoo in the morning. :) wonderful althought I m not sure why they must make it so damn early. Tsk. Sickening. Hais. Love y'all anyway! Ciaos!
Noreen!
♥our lips must always be sealed
1:19:00 am
Helloo blog!
Today I went to NUH to get a consultation with the orthopeadic doctor. It was quite an irritating yet funny day overall. So! I woke up at like 7.30 when I was supposed to get up at 6.30. That was the original plan. But, I was just too tired to wake up.
Anyway got up at 7.30 to the sound of my munmy screaming for me to wake up. :| hais. Hahaha. Got up, reaf the papers, bathed and change and we all got out by 9. On the way, realised my mm had not taken the referal letter. My dad got angry and my mum was saying it's ok it's okay. In the end she got the neighbourhood doc to fax it over.
Anyway, we went into the room where two doctors came in. One was a Chinese guy and the other a Indonesian guy. In my opinion, I felt they were very unprofessional in the way they talk and behave like as if I wasn't there and that I was some kind of animal being examined. Turns out they were both the interns to the doctor serving me. The doctor himself was a funny pleasent guy. Patient in answering my mother who was so sidetracked.
About my mum, she told the Chinese intern about my previous xray I had when I was in sec2 for MY BACK! What the heck does my ANKLE have anything to do with MY BACK last time?!?! Omgosh I was so frustrated. Then the intern was like " err, so which injury are you coming here for?" -_-" I wished my dad was there. Goodness. Then she was all so flirty trying to be funny with the doctor all. Jeez. Okay lah not flirty just you know very chatty and impressive to the doctor which I totally not.
Back to the problem. The real doctor examined my foot, then he said it might be the AFT something something. Ah. Don't know what all these chim chim words doctors use. Haha. Said I had to go for an MRI scan to check it out. Prolly he said "your ankle ligaments might have been torn and maybe part of my bone came off too thus it hurts" oh yah! And he said I had really flexible ligaments. Normal ligaments are like shoelaces, he tells me, and mine are like rubber bands. Haha. My arms are longer than my actual height! Haha amazing ah! Hahaha. Wtfish.
So yeah my appointment is on the 6th of august like 3mths away. -_-" so long. Pain for soo long. :( then see the doctor to go for recovery stage. Cry lah. So long. That means this year I cannot run. Plus I lose out on taking part in next years events too. I won't be prepared. How to? :'( I m so sad right now. I really wish I can train you know. Training looks like so much fun now. And I m missing out. Oh wells. This sucks like shit. I m
so prone to injuries cos of my flexible ligaments. I m also prone to having heart murmurs and heart related problems cow the heart gets overworked. :/ scaryyy!
Recently I've been feeling rather insecure. I don't think I am pretty I don't feel pretty and yes I do compare myself to girls that usually make guys go gaga. -_-" today I was people watching and I was looking at Akif and Melissa talking. Melissa is the kind of girl that guys like. Pretty, long hair, cute,quite chatty. Akif is like those mix-with-Chinese-more-than-Malay kinda Malay guy. Why can't guys just open their eyes you know. They don't have to always go with girls who are like those. Ah but that's the way I think right? I m talking rubbish here. So yeah I m gonna sign out now and sleep!
Lovez,
Noreen
♥our lips must always be sealed
12:14:00 am
A bagpack